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I grow up a sinner, wicked and worst of all homosexual. I live my homosexuality for more than 20 years. I thought that being homosexual is right... As what gay-lingual professed "Ang pagiging bakla ay kailan man hindi naging kasalan, sa mata ng lipunan at sa mata ng Diyos kung hindi ka gagawa ng iyong ikasasama – (being gay is not wrong in the eyes of the community and to God, as long as you've done nothing wrong. )" Yes, the world of this day may accept this saying, but the question is... Is it lawful in the eyes of God?
My life before were at messed. I did things which are so wicked in the eyes of God. I had sex with many guys and even had a relationship with a friend. I thought that all I did that makes me happy were right. But honestly, I was wrong. Emptiness and despair were all I've got as I did my own. The more I fed my lust and pride the more I am in deep hunger and never contended. Oh... if you were into my situation you well certainly says "I am helpless and no more hope to grip on.
As days passed by, I went back to school because I had stopped schooling due to financial problem. I thought that this will be a new beginning of my life, and yes it was. In fact, I've met new faces, new friends and most especially a crush (hahaha). I never expected that this guy that I was attracted with is a Christian. I tried to mock him and even insulted him but he didn't show madness, in fact, he befriend me. To be honest I was challenge by him because I believed that he too likes me (what a silly belief). I tried to fit myself and did every little things to be near him. But I never realize that it was God who was moving to get closer to Him(Jesus Christ).
A new desire in my heart was developed every time I'm with this guy. I now love to have a Bible to read with; and fortunately I got one. It was my first Bible and most awesome was it came from this guy.
I can't express how pity I was every time I read my Bible. I see myself depraved and sinful. I am sexually immoral, idolater, adulterer, male prostitute, homosexual offender, thieve, greedy, drunkard, slanderer, and swindler. The first thing that comes to my mind was... "Will God can accept me of who I really am?".
I sincerely asked God to forgive me from all my sins and pray to Him to change me, and believe me God is definitely at work. One of the idols that God took out from me is my romantic feelings to my Christian crush. Something had happened that made me realized that he too is also human that commits sin. The wrong thing I did was looking to him as if he was a god but I'm wrong. In Psalms 146:2 "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. " Praise God, He opened my eyes to see the wrong in me and took the romantic feelings I once had with my Christian friend. Another sin that I also treasured was having a sexual relation to one of my boy-friend. We had sex for more than 6 years. One evening I dreamed of some sort of sexual fantasy and believe me, I was in deep troubled as I was entertaining it. It woke me up late at night and felt sorry of having those dreams. And suddenly, it reminds me that I must to stop my sexual bond with this friend because it hinders me to grow spiritually. So the next morning I went to him and try to fix things up. As I was in his house he suddenly went to his room and I followed. As we were talking, we suddenly laid to his bed. But you know what, the moment I laid my body down on his bed, I can't hardly breathed. I feel something strange that can't be explained. I was in deep distressed and was uneasy. But I keep ignoring it. But God was in the midst helping me to overcome it. Every time I close my eyes, I saw myself worshiping God. How can it be? I wondered why all these things had happened to me. So I withdraw myself from him and arose from his bed. And says "Matt (not his real name) sorry, I must to follow God. Instantly, I feel free and was in peace. And the only thing that comes to my mind was the song entitled "Amazing Grace". (to listen from this song just play the video from the upper corner).
God did saved me. Ephesian 2:8-9 " For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast". Because of the death of our Lord Jesus Christ we have been saved. Titus 2:14 "who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. "
Jesus Christ is my only Lord, Savior and my God. I am not perfect and always commit sin but I know God is so faithful that He will complete the works He now started in me (Philippians 1:6). To God be all the glory.
My life before were at messed. I did things which are so wicked in the eyes of God. I had sex with many guys and even had a relationship with a friend. I thought that all I did that makes me happy were right. But honestly, I was wrong. Emptiness and despair were all I've got as I did my own. The more I fed my lust and pride the more I am in deep hunger and never contended. Oh... if you were into my situation you well certainly says "I am helpless and no more hope to grip on.
As days passed by, I went back to school because I had stopped schooling due to financial problem. I thought that this will be a new beginning of my life, and yes it was. In fact, I've met new faces, new friends and most especially a crush (hahaha). I never expected that this guy that I was attracted with is a Christian. I tried to mock him and even insulted him but he didn't show madness, in fact, he befriend me. To be honest I was challenge by him because I believed that he too likes me (what a silly belief). I tried to fit myself and did every little things to be near him. But I never realize that it was God who was moving to get closer to Him(Jesus Christ).
A new desire in my heart was developed every time I'm with this guy. I now love to have a Bible to read with; and fortunately I got one. It was my first Bible and most awesome was it came from this guy.
I can't express how pity I was every time I read my Bible. I see myself depraved and sinful. I am sexually immoral, idolater, adulterer, male prostitute, homosexual offender, thieve, greedy, drunkard, slanderer, and swindler. The first thing that comes to my mind was... "Will God can accept me of who I really am?".
I sincerely asked God to forgive me from all my sins and pray to Him to change me, and believe me God is definitely at work. One of the idols that God took out from me is my romantic feelings to my Christian crush. Something had happened that made me realized that he too is also human that commits sin. The wrong thing I did was looking to him as if he was a god but I'm wrong. In Psalms 146:2 "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. " Praise God, He opened my eyes to see the wrong in me and took the romantic feelings I once had with my Christian friend. Another sin that I also treasured was having a sexual relation to one of my boy-friend. We had sex for more than 6 years. One evening I dreamed of some sort of sexual fantasy and believe me, I was in deep troubled as I was entertaining it. It woke me up late at night and felt sorry of having those dreams. And suddenly, it reminds me that I must to stop my sexual bond with this friend because it hinders me to grow spiritually. So the next morning I went to him and try to fix things up. As I was in his house he suddenly went to his room and I followed. As we were talking, we suddenly laid to his bed. But you know what, the moment I laid my body down on his bed, I can't hardly breathed. I feel something strange that can't be explained. I was in deep distressed and was uneasy. But I keep ignoring it. But God was in the midst helping me to overcome it. Every time I close my eyes, I saw myself worshiping God. How can it be? I wondered why all these things had happened to me. So I withdraw myself from him and arose from his bed. And says "Matt (not his real name) sorry, I must to follow God. Instantly, I feel free and was in peace. And the only thing that comes to my mind was the song entitled "Amazing Grace". (to listen from this song just play the video from the upper corner).
God did saved me. Ephesian 2:8-9 " For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast". Because of the death of our Lord Jesus Christ we have been saved. Titus 2:14 "who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. "
Jesus Christ is my only Lord, Savior and my God. I am not perfect and always commit sin but I know God is so faithful that He will complete the works He now started in me (Philippians 1:6). To God be all the glory.
W Medel
hala wow yam, i am happy that you also got you own blog but i was not flabbergasted in your sincerity and honesty because i know you really are, yet glad you posted it.
ReplyDeleteanyway, i see how God had changed you, you're life is a good example of how God works in every person who asks to be changed. may you inspire more people like you did to me because somehow i see some changes in me though not as big as yours but i know that it is God's intervention.
Madz... May you grow in love and peace with God... Expect great things from God and just have faith to Him... He is faithful....
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